So, I grew up on Sweet Valley High books. I had pretty much the entire lot and those I didn’t have often arrived in the form of too-exciting-to-be-true-packages (admittedly on loan) from my intercontinental cousins. The wise words of Francine Pascal and her army of minions, through the perfectly shaped mouths of Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield, pretty much formed the person I am today.
For example, I am absolutely terrified of motorcycles thanks to the sobering messages in book 6…
And 7…
I still believe that if you give into the jealousy at seeing other women riding on the back of your boyfriend’s motorcycle, and decide to show them who’s boss and hop on for a ride, you WILL crash and you WILL end up in coma (although miraculously your appearance will remain ‘California perfect’) and you will wake up a different person who fights with their sister (I don’t have a sister but if I did and if I had gotten on that motorcycle, well, we all know what would have happened – yep, fucking awkward family meal times). I know that love is dangerous.
I am also terrified of volunteering at local hospitals. Book 13 taught me that if you do volunteer, you WILL get…
by a lonely and disturbed orderly/rapist. Yikes! I WILL NEVER BE A CANDY STRIPER. It’s far too dangerous.
I will also never let my pilot boyfriend take me on his first licensed flight (kinda seems like an obvious one actually). Because book 20 taught me that if you do so, you are certain to have a…
Yes, he WILL crash and you WILL end up seriously injured. But even worse than that, he only asked you to come on the flight to break up with you! He wants to date the girl he now loves instead of you (who is FAT, adding insult to injury). Now I didn’t particularly liked Enid, in fact I found her annoying as fuck. But still, SAY NO TO FRESHLY WINGED PILOTS. Very dangerous indeed.
So yes, those are just some of the many many life lessons I have learnt from SVH. And if you were wondering which Wakefield twin I liked best, it was Jessica. It was so clearly Jessica that I would often get seriously pissed off at Elizabeth on Jessica’s behalf, mostly because Elizabeth is an annoying, snotty, brainy, bitch (clearly I meant was, not is).
Um, ANYWAY, this website is just brilliant: The Dairi Burger.
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