My Taste Is Better Than Yours » sex

I see you, Daily Mail

gremlin — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 22:17:41 +0000

“Channel 4’s latest attempt to seduce us with a mixture of swearing and sex comes in the form of True Blood, the latest in the long line of sexually explicit, violent and vulgar programmes that have, sadly, become the norm on British television. True Blood is a shocking tale of depravity, explicit sexuality (bordering on pornography) and vile language.”

“More offensive than all this is the sheer distasteful nature of the content. There’s oral sex, overt discussion of genitalia, graphic sex scenes and foul language.”

BUT THE CHILDREN.

If only I’d joined True Love Waits

gremlin — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 06:55:54 +0000

There is now a useful ‘SEX degrees of separation’ calculator to figure out how many people you could have indirectly caught the nasties from should you not use the proper precautions. It also has an option to share your results on your social networking profile, which I’ll definitely be doing.

When they say ‘calculator’, I suspect this may have a hint of ‘random number generator’.

People with glasses ARE smarter

Bonus message.

DIY – Autofellatio, a guide

Silver — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 18:14:43 +0000

WARNING, this is ever so slightly fucking disgusting…

Step 1: Lube up some pvc pipe
‘Note, this could be dangerous, proceed with caution: Take a piece of pvc pipe insulation and cut it the right length to fit your dick. It should be tight so no air will leak out.’

Step 2: Pump and suck
‘Start pumping your dick and suck on pipe at the same time until you’re really to cum. Or keep going, if you’d like a taste.’

Yep, a homemade sex toy for the hard-hit but resourceful and discerning teenage cad.

Nope, not my own invention (I’m a 25 year old female btw). Also not my own words, gross.

I’m not a big fan of sex toys – things made of plastic and metal don’t particularly do it for me. And I really don’t like the idea of a boy giving himself head (I say boy and pray that no-one over the age of 19 would consider this a viable Sunday night activity. I’d like to think no-one would, full stop, but I fear that is too hopeful a thought). I am, however, a huge fan of making things. I especially like making things from other things. Which is why I absolutely love this website. Savvy.

PS Sexy kids

If you are down with bodice ripping, turn to page 46

gremlin — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 18:01:42 +0000

Is this like Choose Your Own Adventure but with sexy time and a guaranteed happy ending?

Rapture’s Voyage

Bedroom Adventures Role Playing Game for Lovers

by Sandra Lawrence

Bedroom Adventures are fantasy role-playing game versions of popular historical romance novels. They have been created as private entertainments, each to be enjoyed by a loving couple on an intimate occasion.

Each Bedroom Adventure is designed to play over and over again. No two games are ever alike. While love’s quest might become bliss in one game, it could easily turn to scorn in the next. Regardless, a couple can enjoy many exciting fantasy episodes while never leaving the comfort of their own private boudoir.

I feel bereft that as a single lady I am excluded from partaking in the scornful/blissful sex games for loving couples (”no two games are EVER alike”) in my boudoir. I don’t think I even have a boudoir.

I wonder if they do versions to cater for girls who like skinny art boys with weak t-rex arms rather than beefy man titty.

BID BID BID!

men in boots

gremlin — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 16:48:00 +0000

This was an accidental discovery while looking for riding boots. I was at work at the time, but that wasn’t going to stop me from exploring the sensual world of men in boots.

You can select who to lust after either by their face, their preferred boot, or in some cases their seductive nickname (sometimes disappointing, I had high hopes for ‘Muscleboots’ only to find he had a pretty tame portfolio. Kenneth Cole zipper dress boots? BORING).

They’ve got a bit of everything.

Your friend’s dad.

Sergeants of sexy.

Awkward posing.

Fidel Castro.

I feel this one offers a whole lot of boot. It’s next level.

I emailed Richard from Amsterdam to tell him that although I liked the fifty pictures of him in his Aigle rubber riding boots it made me sad he doesn’t have leather ones like everyone else. He hasn’t written back, but whatever, I had those boots when I was six. He’s probably just embarrassed because they’re for children.

essexy

gremlin — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 09:20:41 +0000

This week I have been enjoying Martina Cole’s The Take (I like how her name is in the title to reassure us trash connoisseurs), a programme which includes the line “he’s taken everything, even the Flymo”. Part of its charm is that it involves senseless violence carried out in super eighties outfits (in honour of which I am wearing a Ben Sherman shirt and chenille leggings as my loungewear). Mostly it’s because of Tom Hardy, who is a brilliant actor blah blah blah, but more importantly whose inexplicable omnipotence over my hormones meant I found myself slightly sexually attracted to a Reman in Star Trek Nemesis.

Yep.

Teeth like a shipwreck. How wrong is it that the crack mouth is kind of hot? Let’s see a close up for extra sexy.

I need to stop now and take a cold shower.

Our best friend’s best friend…

Silver — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 12:29:58 +0000

used to go out with the guy who invented this

Yes, that is what you think it is. It is pre-stained underwear!
And the inventor, certainly our best friend’s best friend’s one-that-got-away, reckons these will be a surefire hit with “the dudes”. Um, and the ladies?

Read the full article here: Pre-stained

What a winner.

Vegan porn

Silver — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 18:53:54 +0000

Satisfy your meat free/dairy free sexual appetite here

http://www.vegporn.com/

My favourite model – Kristofski

He’s bringing sexy back.

shamefucks

gremlin — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 22:21:02 +0000

You know the ones. Those people you would if you could. Then you’d hide it, and whenever anyone asked ‘did you and x ever…’ you’d cut them off promptly and change the subject as fast as fucking possible. And then you’d probably sleep with them again, even though you knew it was wrong.

For a lot of people I’ve spoken to, this person is Chuck Bass. I can see that. He’s gross, and looks like a catfish but… Okay, I can’t really see it, since he has a terrible figure and a huge head. But that’s the point of a shamefuck. Other people can’t see it.

Mine wears jodhpurs. I think even my mother finds him offensive, and she’s a card-carrying Tory. Please don’t tell anyone. About either of those things.

So much shame in one paragraph.

SEX

Silver — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 12:29:29 +0000

I find this interesting so I don’t particularly care if no one else does.

Worldwide ages of consent

But if like me you are interested and did look at the link…

How bloody glad/pissed off (delete as appropriate – please note, if you deleted ‘glad’ you are a paedophile and this is the wrong site for you) are you that you don’t live in Burkina Faso?

I’m also really happy I don’t live in Iran.