Category Archives: WTF?

BANK

Dear beloved one in Christ,
I knew that this letter may be a very big surprise to you, I came across your email contact from my personal search and I instructed the doctor here in this hospital to help me email you and I believe that you will be honest to fulfill my final wish before [...]

All hail baby … squid Jesus?

More nativity scenes to make Baby Jesus cry.

Kurt, the exception to the rule

I finally washed my Luella Kurt cardigan for the first time since I bought it, which has to be over a year ago. I know, I know, I am disgusting. And I know this because it took three (hand) washes to get clean. It also took three (hand) washes for me to realise why it [...]

I just threw up in my mouth a little

So fucked up. Just so very, very, very fucked up. Oh god.

scary good housekeeping

We can all imagine the type of woman that do this, right? My childhood JP* friends’ mothers. And so by now, also my childhood friends. Hmmm, how grim.

For the rest of these charming “Haunting Halloween decorations”, as well as step-by-step instructions (in case you’re incapable of figuring out how to dye three pumpkins white and [...]

I don’t usually agree with the Met

But I have to side with the police on this one…

It is not for public viewing (initially I put it up in its entirety, but I’ve seen sense so now it’s just her face. Which is really enough anyway). There are too many fucked up (yes I am looking at you, VANESSA GEORGE) people out [...]

We know you know…

that the new sexed up Alpen adverts are disconcerting.

FACT: Alpen is what people eat to keep their bowel movement regular.
No number of semi-naked men or women can make that fact sexy. Epic fail Alpen. Epic.

iron chef

I really do love culinary shows, particularly ones with a game-show element. I love Masterchef. I love Ready Steady Cook. And I especially love Come Dine With Me (in spite – or perhaps because – of it’s inane repetitive nature and that irritating voice over man who makes everyone seem like a complete twat).
At [...]

“You have failed the practice citizenship test”

Apparently I answered 10 our of 24 questions correctly (that’s 42% for those of you lacking a maths gcse or the equivalent qualification). That’s almost half the questions. WOW! Honestly, I did not expect to know nearly that much. I think my BA in Politics has finally paid off. Totally worth 3 years at university [...]

zorbtastic

What’s that? I hear you ask.
It’s a hen enjoying her last single night ever, obviously. Via the age old medium of zorbing (I can’t bring myself to capitalize that, although apparently I can bring myself to spell American) Hmmm, where was I?
Yes, ok! It’s my friend’s hen this weekend and I’m sortof planning it. And [...]

Red carpet taxidermy

So obviously the Daytime Emmys won’t even come close to the Primetime Emmys since there was no possibility of the hot pieces from GK in suits (i.e. a Brad/RayRay/Fick reunion – are Walt and Q-Tip as well too much to ask?), but they did have one thing the others probably won’t…
… A PUSSY PURSE.

It’s watching [...]

Creative writing. Post watershed.

I enjoy browsing the categories in on fanfiction.net to find the most bewildering things people choose to write about. Let’s just take the TV section, for example. The TV section, which includes fanfic for the following:
Airwolf ; Ballykissangel ; Inspector Lynley Mysteries ; Lazytown ; Monarch of the Glen ; Murder She Wrote ; Round The Twist ; Steptoe and Son.
That’s just [...]

woof woof

If my dog ever gets a girldogfriend and it is her birthday or valentines day or even just a casual park-date day and he needs to buy her a wonderful dog gift, I will swiftly direct him to HauteDiggityDog. Where he could buy her…
a nice bag
or a bottle of perfume
or some cute heels
And I needn’t [...]

The new Richard and Judy

Or, the worst book club ever.

Oh! children of future generations. One day some of you will come across this in your grandmother’s house. You’ll ask her what the fuck this is about only for your septuagenarian ancestor to babble about her love for a fictional beige-clad Volvo-driving prude, reveal her oeuvre of Alternate Universe fanfiction and [...]

If you are down with bodice ripping, turn to page 46

Is this like Choose Your Own Adventure but with sexy time and a guaranteed happy ending?

Rapture’s Voyage
Bedroom Adventures Role Playing Game for Lovers
by Sandra Lawrence
Bedroom Adventures are fantasy role-playing game versions of popular historical romance novels.  They have been created as private entertainments, each to be enjoyed by a loving couple on an intimate occasion.  
Each Bedroom Adventure is designed to [...]