My Taste Is Better Than Yours » WTF?

BANK

Silver — Tue, 18 May 2010 11:21:36 +0000

Dear beloved one in Christ,

I knew that this letter may be a very big surprise to you, I came across your email contact from my personal search and I instructed the doctor here in this hospital to help me email you and I believe that you will be honest to fulfill my final wish before I will die.

I am Mrs Ruth Hull from Malaysia, I am 68 years old, I am deaf and suffering from a long time cancer of the breast. From all indication my condition is really deteriorating, and my doctor have courageously advised me that I may not live beyond the next two months, this is because the cancer stage has reached a critical extent, of which I am having difficulties unable to move my entire body. I was brought up in a motherless babies home, and was married to my late husband for twenty years without a child.

My husband and I are true Christians, we lived all day in Colorado, U.S.A, since he was working here as a contractor, but quite unfortunately,he died in a fatal motor accident.Since his death I decided not to re-marry and because of my bad state of health,I sold all my inherited belongings and deposited all the sum of ($25.8 Million United States Dollars) with a bank in Malaysia.

Presently, this money is still in the BANK, and the management of the BANK just wrote a letter to me as the rightful Legitimate beneficiary to come forward to receive the money after keeping it for so long or rather issue a letter of authorization to somebody to receive it on my behalf since I can not come over as a result of my present cancer illness situation, or they get it confiscated. Presently, I’m with my laptop computer in a hospital where I have been undergoing treatment. I have since lost my ability to talk and my doctor have told me that I have only a few months to live.

It is my last wish to see that this money is invested in any organization of your choice and distributed each year among the charity organization, the poor and the motherless baby’s home where I come from in Malaysia. I want your good humanitarian,to also use this money to fund churches, orphanages and widows around.

I must let you know that this was a very hard decision, but I had to take a bold step towards this issue because I have no further option. I hope you will help see my last wishes come to come true.

As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of my lawyer to work and source for the required necessary and legal paper to proof you as the accredited person I sent to receive the fund presently at the Bank in Malaysia. I will also issue a letter of authorization to the bank, which will prove that you are the rightful beneficiary of my funds. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein. Hope to hear from you soonest.

I await your immediate and urgent response on this my beloved.

On My Email: ruthhull4christ@gmail.com

Yours in Christ,

Mrs. Ruth Hull
I found this in my spam box. I shall be contacting her post haste.

All hail baby … squid Jesus?

gremlin — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 10:38:05 +0000

More nativity scenes to make Baby Jesus cry.

Kurt, the exception to the rule

Silver — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 13:21:04 +0000

I finally washed my Luella Kurt cardigan for the first time since I bought it, which has to be over a year ago. I know, I know, I am disgusting. And I know this because it took three (hand) washes to get clean. It also took three (hand) washes for me to realise why it says ‘dry clean only’ on the tag. BECAUSE IT WAS FADING FROM BLACK TO GREY. Now I don’t even know if it was dirty or if the greyish water seeping from Kurt the first, second and third time I soaked and rinsed it was actually its colour abandoning me.

So yes. Luella cardigans are the exception to the rule. Normally most overpriced knitwear can be handwashed even though it says ‘dry clean only’. Kurt, I wish I’d listened. I’m sorry.

I also managed to burn off half my face with an old facepack which I realise now, in retrospect, was 99% acid. I’ve got a red ring around my face, like someone placed a huge mug full of steaming hot coffee on it. For some reason my inner face survived the acid attack. Huh.

EPIC FAIL.

Although there is a lesson to be learnt here: do not clean or clear (which is how I found that stupid sulphuric facepack in the first place). EVER.

I just threw up in my mouth a little

Silver — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 19:33:59 +0000

So fucked up. Just so very, very, very fucked up. Oh god.

scary good housekeeping

Silver — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 19:59:21 +0000

We can all imagine the type of woman that do this, right? My childhood JP* friends’ mothers. And so by now, also my childhood friends. Hmmm, how grim.

For the rest of these charming “Haunting Halloween decorations”, as well as step-by-step instructions (in case you’re incapable of figuring out how to dye three pumpkins white and spell out the word ‘boo’) then take thee self over to the ever helpful Good Housekeeping Guide. It’s pretty much my bible.

*Jewish Princess

I don’t usually agree with the Met

Silver — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 17:43:57 +0000

But I have to side with the police on this one…

It is not for public viewing (initially I put it up in its entirety, but I’ve seen sense so now it’s just her face. Which is really enough anyway). There are too many fucked up (yes I am looking at you, VANESSA GEORGE) people out there, the very fact this picture was ever composed is proof enough.

Oh god, it gets creepier the longer you look at it. Especially when you start contemplating the significance of the fertility statues (see full picture, google).

p.s. Some choice comments from the Times website discussion of the pic:

“These photographs are freely available on the internet. Can someone tell my how they can possibly be obscene? Rather lovely images I think and if you can’t show them in an art gallery where can you?” Che Vuegara

Is lovely really the only word you could think up? Also, aren’t you witty and clever? Che Vuegara, I get it! Hilarious, simply hilarious, you know, for a pedophile.

“Let’s just hope that all those “child protectors” and pedophile “experts” do not come up with the idea to visit the Sistine Chapel or the cathedral in Florence!” Matilda Moscovitz

MORON.

We know you know…

Silver — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 21:15:08 +0000

that the new sexed up Alpen adverts are disconcerting.

FACT: Alpen is what people eat to keep their bowel movement regular.

No number of semi-naked men or women can make that fact sexy. Epic fail Alpen. Epic.

iron chef

Silver — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 16:49:43 +0000

I really do love culinary shows, particularly ones with a game-show element. I love Masterchef. I love Ready Steady Cook. And I especially love Come Dine With Me (in spite – or perhaps because – of it’s inane repetitive nature and that irritating voice over man who makes everyone seem like a complete twat).

At least that’s what I thought. In actual fact, I don’t love cooking programmes, I love British cooking programmes. American cookery shows are a different kettle of pan fried fish altogether. They are – like most American tv programmes – absolutely mental.

And none more so than Iron Chef America.

Hmmmm. Not convinced by the mentalness. Lets look at my favourite part of the show. The special ingredient part…

Ooooooh

Aaaaaaah

Convinced? Lets proceed.

Iron Chef America is based on a Japanese (obviously!) show – Iron Chef. The original name for the Japanese version was ‘Ironmen Cooking’. Needless to say, I much prefer the original name. It describes the show with far more accuracy and finesse. I wish it was still called that.

ps. Jamie Oliver was a guest chef last year.
pps. Check out their outfits. Please.
ppps. Wanna know more, take a look at the unbelievably detailed Wikipedia entry.

“You have failed the practice citizenship test”

Silver — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 15:31:55 +0000

Apparently I answered 10 our of 24 questions correctly (that’s 42% for those of you lacking a maths gcse or the equivalent qualification). That’s almost half the questions. WOW! Honestly, I did not expect to know nearly that much. I think my BA in Politics has finally paid off. Totally worth 3 years at university (4 if you count my second gap year taken after my first year of study). AM I PROUD OF MYSELF OR WHAT?

It took me 4 minutes and 13 seconds to finish. During which time I discovered many things that I did not know I did not know. I did not know in which year married women got the right to divorce their husbands. Nor was I sure whether it was true or false that in the 1980s, the largest immigrant groups were from the West Indies, Ireland, India and Pakistan.

And I still don’t.

Think you can do better? Make your parents proud.

zorbtastic

Silver — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 21:42:32 +0000

What’s that? I hear you ask.

It’s a hen enjoying her last single night ever, obviously. Via the age old medium of zorbing (I can’t bring myself to capitalize that, although apparently I can bring myself to spell American) Hmmm, where was I?

Yes, ok! It’s my friend’s hen this weekend and I’m sortof planning it. And now I feel bad because there will be no zorbing. I feel like I’ve let her down, and myself. Ultimately, I feel I’ve let myself down. In fact, it’s less of a feeling more of a deep knowing.

Next time, however, I’ll do so much better! Gremlin, I promise to take you clay pigeon shooting when/if you get married.

I just peed myself a little bit. The excitement promised in this picture proved too much for me and my weak bladder. Henheaven, you owe me one pair of pants.